How To Do It Gracefully.

Time seems to be passing by so quickly.  There are reminders of how quick everything is moving every day as I watch my kids grow up, there are so many moments when they remind me of myself when I was young.

I'm not the fresh, full of energy, young, new mom I used to be.  I'm a little (OK a lot) cranky, my body aches, my bones creek and I feel tired and haggard most days.

I still want to be the happening girl in the cut-off shorts, with the firm legs, without jiggly arms and dark circles under her eyes.  

Over the weekend, I came to the realization that those days are gone forever.  Gabby headed to the St. Patrick's Day parade with a group of friends.  She borrowed my favorite green boots and sported a pair of cute (and short) cut-off shorts.  I looked at her in amazement as my mind flashed back to a picture of myself 20 years ago. 

"You so remind me of myself when I was younger!"  

Gabby rolls her eyes.  She can never take me seriously when I talk about being young, as if I was always just an old mom.  

I send her off, go down to the basement to dig out that old photo of myself.  Yes, in my mind I was hot stuff.  I take some time to think about all the years that are in between this photo and now.  So much has happened, so much time has passed, I have grown up so much.

Eric says I need to embrace getting old and enjoy it.  He is cuter than ever.  I love him with his bald head and his distinguishing grey hairs in his beard.  He has it all figured out.   His mother carries herself cool
and confident.  My mother is lively and vibrant.  They are all examples of how being older doesn't have to be tragic.  I am not there yet.  For some reason I feel like something in my life will change when I admit that I am an older woman.  I look at people on the streets and say, "I'm not that old", when I really am "that old".  I guess I'm still growing up and maturing.

I have read a few articles on the art of growing old gracefully.  I guess it's time to start figuring out how to do it gracefully with some style, fun and dignity.  Any suggestions?

Hey, Isn't That Papa?

The girls with papa at the rodeo in Michigan.

We don't have to engage in grand, heroic actions to participate in the process of change. Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world.

—
Howard Zinn
I read this quote a few days ago, and knew it meant something to me, I just couldn't figure it out right then.  Last night we attended Brillianteen's production of Grease that Gabby is currently a cast member in.  I went last week with Gabby's Grandma.  This was Eric and Sinobia's first time seeing the show.  
Sinobia was cruising through the program book when she noticed her papa's name listed on the William E. Harper Special Award page.  "Hey, isn't that Papa?"  I hadn't noticed this last week as I looked through the program book, she immediately recognized his name,  Dennis Drummer.  
This award is given each year to an adult who shows exceptional leadership in service to youth in Evanston. It was awarded to papa in 1993, a year before Gabby was born.  
My dad was a hero to me, my girls and many other children in Evanston.  He cared about the youth of Evanston, but especially the African-American youth, who had limited access to so many opportunities in our community.  I believe that many of the ways that I operate within the community and professionally have a lot to do with the many years I watched my dad give of his time, energy and money to the youth in the city of Evanston.
Aha!  Now the quote makes sense to me.  My dad lived the message of the quote every day of his life.  

Sinobia and papa in Louisiana.

Gabby and papa on Easter Sunday.

So Last Year!

A few days ago, Sinobia and I were singing in the car.

"Sinobia, what are you going to sing for this year's talent show?"

"Mom, I thought I told you, I don't way to be a pop star anymore...I want to be a journalist!"

"OK?"

"That was so last year!"

She's right, it is so last year. 1 year ago.  I looked it up and found the video that I took of Sinobia singing at the Dawes Talent Show last year (February 19th, 2011).  She was so confident, singing her song (even though she messed up a little, but covered it up).  A few months later, she tried out for Evanston Idol, but didn't make it.  (I tried to upload her audition video, but I think they rigged it so that I couldn't reproduce it).

She still kept right on singing:)

Sinobia is my kid that wakes up happy in the morning.  You know she's awake because she starts singing as soon as she wakes up.  She sings in her room all day long, sings in the shower, sings in the car, sings at the dinner table!  Lately she has been singing in Spanish!  I know she's alive and happy when she is singing.

So in honor of my little song bird, 1 year later, I am posting her "so last year" talent show video.  Who knows, maybe she can be a pop-star and a journalist.  either way, I don't think she's going to stop singing any time soon.

Ebony Ball

If I have to buy one more "formal" dress or another pair of "sky-high" fancy shoes,  I think I'm going to scream!

This past weekend was the Ebony Ball.  This event celebrates the African-American students at ETHS.  It's not a "who do you know on the Board" kind of dance...if you're ebony, you're invited! If you know someone or are dating someone who is not ebony, you can let them in on the fun and invite them (this dance is a WHOLE LOT more diverse than the Cotillion).  This event is for Juniors and Seniors and happens every-other year, so everyone gets 1 chance to go.

There's a dress code...black or white dresses, at or below the knee.  This made shopping a whole lot easier for us; no fights this time!  We did break the rules with the dress length, but if you know me, you know I love to break a rule or two.  No shoe restrictions, so Gabby went for it:)

The last 2 formals that Gabby has attended, were "girls ask the guys", so she was a little tired of doing all the asking and took a friend along with her for some girly fun.

  

Gabby and Lucy! 

      

According to the cryptic teenager report that I got, it was a great night; fun was had by all!  The best part for me?  I didn't have to do any pick-up and delivery for the night (thanks Meg).  oh yeah, it was also great to see my big girl all dressed up, smiling, full of life and in my opinion...looking gorgeous!

Whew...I think I'm done dress shopping for a while!

Hey Gabby, can I borrow this dress?  I can definitely wear the shoes:)

               

A Little Singing and Dancing!

This year Gabby is performing in the McGaw YMCA's Brillianteen Youth Theatre 2011-2012 production of Grease.  


I just went online to order tickets for some shows and saw that there are not very many seats left for performances. I don't know if they will be selling tickets at the door or if there will be any left to sell.

If you want to see the show, buy your tickets now!  Otherwise, I'll have to tell you all about it:)

Show performance dates are March 2, 3, and 10 at 7:30pm and March 4 and March 11 at 2:00pm.

https://tix5.seatyourself.biz/webstore/webstore.html?domain=mcgawymca&event=.

Hope to see you there!

Inspiration for the week

I visit this blog often:  http://www.kindovermatter.com/ this inspired me...

print by Choosing Beauty on etsy

If tomorrow never came, would you be proud of the last thing you said to each person you love?

If "someday" was only "now", would you do everything you've always put off?

If you knew you had a choice about what kind of life you could be living, would you choose different?

If you knew failure is impossible, what would you do?

If it were true that everyone you meet is you in another body, how would you treat them?

If love was the true currency of the Universe and the more you gave away the more you received, how would you spend it?

If fear were the biggest illusion and the greatest lie of all time, how would you choose to live your life?

If the Universe always supported a life lived towards achieving dreams, how big would you dream?

—
Jackson Kiddard

Eat My Bubbles@@@@

Sinobia owns a sweat shirt that says, 

"75% of the world is covered in water, 
but I only need 1 lane to kick your butt!"

Well, on Thursday evening, Sinobia kicked some major butt.  She completed the YWCA Flying Fish Swim Marathon, swimming 105 lengths in one hour!

This is Sinobia's 3rd year participating in the marathon, but this year was different.  It was the most lengths she was ever challenged to complete (her coaches set her goal at 100 lengths).  Last year her goal was 75 lengths.  She got to about 50+ lengths when I had to literally pull her out of the pool, as she was having an asthma attack, but wanted to keep swimming.  Her first year, her goal was 50 lengths, which she completed so she could get all the cool prizes.

This year, her swimming the marathon wasn't about the prizes, but more about swimming her personal best and meeting, if not exceeding her fund raising goal for a good cause.

(These funds help the YWCA continue to provide healthy aquatic programming, provide financial assistance to families who cannot afford the cost of swim lessons or swim team participation, and support YWCA services in the areas domestic violence and violence prevention.)

On Thursday morning, Sinobia met her fundraising goal of $500 before she even got in the pool so she then raised it to $700 .  During the marathon, her asthma started bothering her somewhere around her 80th length.  I kept checking in with her every time she came to my end of the pool, she wanted to keep going.  So, with with her inhaler in my hand, I sat back and let her do her thing....105 lengths (and no inhaler required)!

What makes this even more amazing for me, as a mother, is that I clearly remember Sinobia when she didn't know how to swim, but wanted to be a better swimmer than her sister (who was a pretty good swimmer before she gave her life to the circus).  Session after session, I would sign her up for swim lessons.  She would just sit on the side of the pool, crying, with her floaty on, refusing to get in the water, terrified.  One day, she just got in, started blowing bubbles and took off swimming (it wasn't that easy, but you get my point).  Now, in my opinion, she's an awesome swimmer!

There is still time to sponsor Sinobia and her Swim Marathon cause (you have until the end of February).  The YWCA has made it so easy this year, they set up web pages for each kid, so you can click on the link below, it will take you straight to Sinobia's web page, where you can make a donation (and/or see her cute picture).  

Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support YWCA - Evanston/North Shore

Thank you to everyone who has helped her meet (and possibly exceed) her goal!

Way to go Sinobia!!!

No inhaler required, just gatorade for refueling!

Aunt Dorothy Drummer-Lee

My Aunt Dorothy died Friday morning.  I will miss visits to her house for cold cups, praline candy and chasing a new litter of kittens around for cuddling.

When my mom called me Friday afternoon, I wasn't surprised by the news, she had been sick for some time and had been rushed to the hospital earlier in the week.  I think I felt a sense of relief, not for me but for her.  It had grown difficult for this spunky, vibrant woman to slow down and rest.  The Aunt Dorothy that I will always remember made cold cups in the summer out of kool-aid and sold them out of her house, was the Avon Lady, made beautifully crafted quilts, and the most delicious, mouth-watering Louisiana praline candy!  The Aunt Dorothy that I will remember was always gardening and growing vegetables in her yard, kept little kittens and dogs around her house and in her yard and almost always was taking care of one of her grandchildren.  My spunky Aunt Dorothy drove, even when the doctors and family members told her not to and lived a life full of love and gratitude.

Every time we traveled to Louisiana, we made it a point to see Aunt Dorothy.  If we saw no one else, we saw Aunt Dorothy.  In August, during our family road trip, we went to visit her, but she wasn't home.  We returned the next day to find her not moving as fast as usual, but chatty and in good spirits.  There was something about this visit that made me feel like it would be the last time we would see her.  I think that Eric and the girls may have felt the same, as everyone was insistent that we see her before we left Louisiana and content with visiting a little longer than usual.  The girls were more than willing to pose for pictures with one of their eldest aunts still living on the Drummer side of their family and aunt Dorothy was ready to pose for the camera.

When I returned home, I had several copies of the pictures with Aunt Dorothy developed (I mean printed...I'm dating myself again).  I wanted to make sure that both of the girls would have a memory of their Aunt Dorothy and their last visit.  When it was time to mail out our Christmas cards, I realized that I had not sent Aunt Dorothy her copies of the photos, so I stuck them in the envelope with her card.  There was something inside of me telling me that I did not to be in the position of saying to myself, "I wish I would have sent these pictures to her sooner", "I wish she could have seen these".  I'm glad I sent the photos to her and she hopefully had the opportunity to reflect on our last time together.

I am feeling a little anxious about my beloved Drummer Family.  I am starting to realize that we are slipping away from each other; through death and distance.  As my Drummer family slips further away from me, I sometimes wonder if the Drummer in me is slipping away too.  Am I loosing bits and pieces of who I really am, how I was raised and the lessons that were taught to me to carry on to the next generation?  Do my girls fully understand how strong and mighty the Drummer Family is and how they were bred to be independent, creative and resilient like so many Drummer women (and men) before them?  The loss of Aunt Dorothy has brought these thoughts to the surface of my mind again.

There are many pieces of the Drummer legacy that will forever be a part of us.  Gabrielle is so much like my dad that it's scary.  There were many years that most everyone who knew her believed that she had an Aiden temperament.  As Teenage-hood had approached, it has become clear to everyone that she is all Drummer; smart, opinionated, always ready for an argument, short tempered with very little patience for those who do not see things the way she does! Sinobia has the mouth of a Drummer; always talking, a little sassy, creative, a risk taker and fiercely independent!   I am truly a Drummer woman, Eric reminds me of it often...stubborn, independent, resilient, a "know-it-all",  argumentative, laughing only at my own jokes and loyal.   Drummer is in our blood, this I know.  We just need to keep Drummer in our hearts and minds forever.  We owe it to Aunt Dorothy and all the Drummer Family members that we have lost.

Cotillion...Past and Present

  

This past weekend was The Cotillion in Evanston.  

Gabrielle was invited and attended.  This event was another one of those moments where I felt VERY OLD!  

Unfortunately for Gabby, I save photos and mementos from my past, so I headed to the basement to dig out Cotillion evidence from my senior memory book (this book has caused be much embarrassment, as when I was writing in it almost 30 years ago, I never imagined my children reading it. WARNING....hide all incriminating high school evidence from your children!!!!).  With some eye rolling and "I know, you told me this story already" Eric and I shared with her our Cotillion adventures from over 25 years ago.

Eric and I remember how much of a big deal it was for us to both be invited and attend Cotillion. Eric went Senior year. I went Junior and Senior years.  I thought I was a happening girl, Eric was a happening guy (I had a serious crush on him in high school).

I attended both years with a group of girlfriends, no real (boy) date for me.  My dad let me drive his 1969, turquoise,  Fleetwood Cadillac both years.  Boy, was I hot stuff:)  My mom made a huge dinner for me and my friends before the dance, my dad took pictures and off we went.  Back then, the Cotillion was held at the Women's Club of Evanston.  I remember walking up the staircase my Junior year to make my "entrance".  If you knew me then, not much has changed, I clean-up pretty well for special occasions, so in my opinion I was quite a stunner for my entrance.  Junior year I wore a backless, royal blue, sequined dress with black patten-leather pumps.  Senior year, my aunt Constance crafted a purple velvet and lace strapless dress with matching lace, fingerless gloves (yes, it was the purple rain era).  I was not allowed to go to the "after parties", that was where all the mischief happened...you know, the stuff you heard about at school on Monday morning (no Facebook back then, so you had to wait to get the gossip).

Anyway, as Gabby got all dressed up and headed out with her date, I held back my "I'm so old" and "my baby has grown up so fast" tears.  Just like her mom, she cleans up well!

No Cadillac for Gabby, I didn't cook a big dinner for all the friends, but of course took plenty of pictures. She did get to go to the "after party".  Someday, she'll have these pictures to pull out for her kids.

p.s.    I'm not sure if I owe my mother an apology, but if our cotillion shopping experience was anything like the past few weeks I just endured with Gabby shopping, then "I am so sorry mom!"

Happy New Year!

Today is the last day of our holiday break.  It's a somber day, we are mourning the loss of sleeping late, staying up late, watching Red Box movies while laying by the fire place and walking around in pajamas most of the day.

Over this break, I consumed an enormous amount of sugar and caffeine! I was not mindful of a single dietary restriction for 2 whole weeks.  Back to salads, lean meats and healthy snacks... starting tomorrow!

  

After canceling 4 previous appointments, I also had my 2 top wisdom teeth pulled.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...very little pain and 1 1/2 days of bed rest granted to me by my family:)

My brother spent the first week with us!  Uncle Jay came in to town from Louisiana.  The girls were in heaven, they LOVE their Uncle Jay.  For most of the week they could be found glued to his side, every minute of the day.

I managed to get the girls to clean their rooms for the new year...now I can see the floors!  There was a little bit of tidying up in the house done by me, but not much, I was on vacation.

Today there will be homework, laundry, grocery shopping and back to school prep going on.  There are no resolutions made by the Aiden family, just the continued journey towards growth for each one of us and the commitment to love and take care of each other.  Eric and I are constantly reflecting on all we have to be thankful for, this will continue as we work even harder to provide for our girls while helping them appreciate all the gifts, privileges and opportunities that they too should be thankful for every day.

Thanks for reading...have a fabulous 2012!