Back to Normal?

All of the house-guests have left.  All the sheets and towels have been washed and put away.    The house is quiet again.  We are beginning to return to our regular routines.  Our lives are back to normal.

The only thing is, we can never go back to normal. Our lives have all been changed.  We have lost a loved one.  Raymond Richard Aiden…a father, a grandpa, a father-in-law, a friend.  His presence in our world was not normal, it forever changed each one of us for the better.

Death is normal, but this does not feel normal to me.  It feels wrong.  I feel cheated.  I feel as if my family has been cheated.  The world has been cheated of time with this amazing man.  

There was not a single moment from the time that Eric and I first started dating that Gramps (aka Raymond Richard) didn’t make me feel as if I were a part of the Aiden family.  It wasn’t normal to feel so at ease with a family, but it was easy. 

He always had a smile, a laugh and a hug to give, even when you knew he wasn’t feeling well.  It’s not normal to be so happy all of the time.

When my father died 6 years ago, Gramps became my father-figure, the man I knew would take care of me as if I were his own daughter.  It felt normal.  It felt good to know that I did have a “dad” by my side.

In the 22 years of being with Eric, Gramps only got mad at me once.  How could this be?  Not normal.  He called me to talk it out and then it was over.  I, on the other had, found myself being perfectly normal and got mad at him a few times.

How do you go on as if everything in back to “normal” when something so tragic has happened?  When someone so significant in your life and the lives of those around you is gone, how does that feel normal?  

We have to find our new “normal” now.  What will that look like?  Right now we are all struggling to find our way, to find a new way that will be different and feel different.  Some of this process will be normal…we will grieve, remember, cry and laugh.  We will be angry and question why we lost our loved one.  We will reflect on our last words, actions and things we may have taken for granted when we thought we had more time.  All of this is normal. 

What will be different is the fact that we will all rise from this as a stronger family, a more appreciative family, an extraordinary family, not a normal family.  That is how we will remember our Extraordinary Gramps.