The Person That I Am...

Sorry that it has been a few weeks since my last post.  I've been a little lazy.  A little tired.  A little blah.

Last week I turned 45 years old.  I'm starting to think about the person I am.  The person I still want to be.  The person I will evolve into.

I would like to be the person that comes home and sits on the couch all night in front of the TV.
I would like to be the person that stays up late surfing the Internet or browsing through Facebook.
I would like to be the person that gets to sleep late and doesn't have to walk the dog.

I am not that person.

I want to be the person that doesn't have to carpool.
I want to be the person that doesn't volunteer.
I want to be the person that has nothing on her calendar.

I am not that person.

I want to be the person that doesn't care if the trash gets taken out.
I want to be the person that doesn't care if her house is clean.
I want to be the person that doesn't fully commit to everything that she does.

I am not that person.

I want to be the person that has "just a job".
I want to be the person that does "just enough" to get by.
I want to be the person that takes hand-outs, asks for favors and waits for others to do things for her.

I am not that person.

I was reminded the other day, while talking to an old childhood friend that I was not that person.  "That is not the kind of person you are Tracy."  "You are not bred that way."  He is right.

I am not designed that way.  I was raised and bred to be active in my children's lives and in the community.  I was taught to make my own path, hold my own and have a purpose in life.  I was taught to make a difference everyday I am blessed to wake up.  I was bred to be hard working, resilient and strong.

I was taught well by my parents.  Many of these "life lessons"came from my dad.  He lead by example.  I never saw him quit, give-up or turn his back on someone in need.  He was supportive and active in the community.  He was an amazing role model to all that knew him.  He was exactly the person he wanted to be.

I want to be that person.

It's hard to be that person.  You get tired.  I get tired.  I wonder if I am raising my children well and breeding another generation of strong women that will make a difference to others everyday.  Will they want to be that person?  Will they too get tired of being that person? I don't know.

Hmmm, maybe it's a "phase of life" that I am going through.  Could this be my mid-life crisis...rebelling against the ways in which I was raised?  I 'm not sure, but I hope it doesn't last long.  I don't like feeling this way.  I feel guilty wanting a more leisurely, laid-back, care-free life. I feel guilty about just wanting to do nothing.   My life is wonderful...it is blessed. I've got to snap out of this soon!

I will go on being the person that I am.  I will probably continue to daydream about that other person that is not me.  I will crave the life of little or no responsibility.  I will figure it all out.

The weird thing, that makes no sense at all, is that I love being me, the person that I am.  

The School Year Has Begun.

First day of school style.

Our 2013-2014 school year has begun.  Sinobia started 8th grade last Monday!  It blows my mind at how fast her middle school years have gone by.  Seems like yesterday that she was heading off to 6th grade with her bright yellow "first day of school" jeans on.  This year, as a veteran middle-schooler, she embraced a more laid back outfit for the return to school.  So cute, so cool, so hipster, so Sinobia!

She returned home after the first day of school, pleased with her new teachers and pleasantly surprised to, for the first time, have one of Gabby's teachers.  Sinobia academic path so far, has been designed for her not to have any teachers that her big sister had.  Following the foot-steps of a sibling can be a difficult thing.  We learned early on that our two girls were so significantly different from each other, that they deserved a chance to not have to be compared all of the time.  I believe that most teachers wouldn't realize they were related to each other unless they were told.  They look absolutely nothing alike, their personalities and temperaments are so different as well as how they approach school and life.  Our parenting styles change between the two of them too.  What works for one, will pretty much not work for the other.  No re-using or recycling parenting strategies for us.

Anyway, Sinobia has the privilege to have one of Gabby's favorite middle school teachers this year.  Gabby is excited for Sinobia to have a chance to work with this teacher and of course, Sinobia is excited to take on the challenge of letting this teacher know she is nothing like her sister:)

Speaking of Gabby, she seems to be adjusting well to life in California.  What's so hard about adjusting to life in an area where it never rains and is always sunny?  She is getting settled into her classes and college life. She has gone to SJSU's first football game, a few parties and road the train to find the Mall! I feel less sad about her being gone every time I hear her voice on the phone.  She sounds happy, she's doing fine, she's going to be OK.

So it has all begun...no TV, early wake-ups, making lunches, homework, carpooling and more socializing with friends.  Life is good.  No complaints.

Two thumbs up....life is good!